I had no idea how much I had been influenced by Hollywood when it came to identifying what I wanted in an ideal partner. It was watermarked all over my wish list. It was hard to ignore. There was an undertone of entitlement in my wishes. They sounded more like demands than requests or desires.
My list looked like I was ordering a custom healing balm to soothe my loneliness and lack of self-worth. I used to believe that if two people loved each other, things would work out.
I grew up on romantic movies with happy endings and romance novels where unbridled passion takes over logic. In those movies, no matter how difficult the circumstances around the couple were, they would somehow resolve those issues and off into the
How do i find my life partner to live happily ever after.
The books I was reading followed the same scripts. I allowed these stories to settle in my mind and heart as truth, as something I should expect—every time.
After seeing my belief system, expectations, and how I approached relationships, the reality of it all sat in my stomach for a couple of days. It was no surprise that I had pretty tumultuous relationships since writing that list.
Naturally, I decided to write a new list. I wanted to see how far I had come, if at all. This time, the items on my list seemed far from the requests of an unripe princess who is throwing a temper tantrum. They came from a place of knowing myself deeply and wanting to give myself nothing less than the best. I knew my unhealed places and my must-haves based on my core values.
By now, I had had enough experiences and relationships to know which qualities I need my partner to have for the relationship to not take away from my existing happiness, and contribute to my growth as a human being.
It took me a long time but I get it now: A partner is not a cure for all my problems, or for how good I feel about myself. He is only responsible for his half: He is off the hook from the responsibility of making me happy. Yet, I let myself desire what I desire.
For instance, historically, I am attracted to men who can fix anything around the house and find ingenious ways to overcome a problem they encounter while doing that.
But my happiness does not depend on it. There is even a bigger, unexpected benefit to the new version filtered through self-love: Because it is based on truth I have gathered about myself. This, of course, increases its power and my faith in it even more.
Since I wrote my new list almost three months ago,
How do i find my life partner feel relaxed in the knowledge that the right partner will show up when he is due. Not a minute sooner or later. And I have no control over that. I kick back and live my life, enjoy relationships, grow through them, and do not make the guys I date the potential father of my children right away.
I let them reveal who they are and I reveal who I am in time, and see if there is enough overlap for us "How do i find my life partner" continue. If you had told me two years ago that I could relax into the arms of the Universe to lead me to my ideal partner, I would not have believed you. Even though the price of this wisdom was high, I still feel grateful for all my heartaches and disappointments.
Through my experiences, I found invaluable pieces of me that I will never give away. If I am here today, enjoying the peace of this knowing, anyone can get here. Here are a few steps to get you going in that direction.
See what excites you. What kind of a life do you imagine having if all your wishes came true? Get a little notebook to carry with you at all times and write down everything about you.
And so does she. That is the gateway to knowing what to look for in a partner who is ideal for you. What makes you feel cared about? What pisses you off to no end? What do you do when you feel sad, lonely, or desperate? Who do you share your joys with? What kind of a response do you like to get for them? How do you find inspiration in life? What takes away your trust and what keeps it strong? Knowing the answers to these questions will help you know what would keep you happy or what would not take away from the happiness that you create for yourself.
Write this report on yourself from a place of getting to know the person who has lived on this planet, in this body all these years. It is meant to be a loving mirror of who you are, what tickles you, and what takes away your joy. It could take days or weeks to complete. Allow yourself to enjoy the process of getting to know yourself.
Write this new list as a celebration of who you are based on what you find out, accept, and love about yourself. That combination is irresistible! Couple silhouette via Shutterstock.
Banu is an intuitive coach and a healer. Her passion is removing emotional, mental, and energetic splinters that create blocks to joy. You can connect with her on her website and her budding Facebook group Heart Alchemy Crusaders. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice.
Click here to read more. Pay attention to how you meet your own emotional needs. Imagine that you are a How do i find my life partner secret self-love agent and your job is to provide a report of your findings of this inner research.
About Banu Sekendur Banu is an intuitive coach and a healer. See a typo, an inaccuracy, or something offensive? Please contact us so we can fix it! Did you enjoy this post? Please share the wisdom: Get wisdom in your inbox Join the Tiny Buddha list for daily or weekly blog posts, exclusive content, and promotions. Trying to be gentle with myself Two people arguing within me How to deal with an overly critical person?
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Design by Joshua Denney. Have you created a list of everything you want in your ideal partner? It didn't look like I wanted How do i find my life partner partner to enhance my experience of life and reach deeper. How to Find a Life Partner. Finding someone to date is challenging enough.
Finding a person you can be happy with for the rest of your life can feel impossible. A relationship or the search for a life partner begins with dating. The problem is not Be uncomfortable with the hospitality, if you meet in a place of his choice.